We can notice that boys especially feel a strong need at this age [of fourteen and fifteen]—we only have to discover this and understand it correctly—for: “Everybody must choose his own hero, whom he has to follow on his way to Mt. Olympus.” And it is especially important for us to present to the boys a fine ideal, a picturesque personality, be it a mythical character or a merely imaginative one, and to elaborate it, together with the boys, or to provide the elements for such elaboration. During a field trip we could have a conversation with the one or another of the boys, entering his particular needs. We could say to him: “How would you do this or that?” We point to the future, introduce the idea of purpose, of the aims in life. We, as it were, stiffen the astral body, make it firm—and this is important at this age.
The same applies to girls. If we make use of this knowledge, we shall also educate the girls correctly by recognizing the fact that they are more inclined to the cosmos and boys more inclined to the earth. Girls incline more toward the cosmic, and this means that their ideals are heroes and heroines; we should tell the girls about them, about their lives and deeds, about actual experiences. Boys need to hear about character, about complete human beings. This is essential; we must differentiate the needs of girls and boys.
It can be somewhat controversial these days to say that boys and girls need different things. It is interesting really, that in a world where science is accepted often without question, all the studies that show boys and girls learn differently are essentially ignored. What it essentially comes down to is not whether a child is male or female, but what their NEEDS are. I’m often asked by parents, what if their children don’t identify with either gender or identify with the opposite gender? I find that children will still exhibit a pull to connect with one thing or another. And so that is the piece of the riddle that needs finding so that we can meet the need for the child. This is why an understanding of child and human development is so important.
It is important to remember that when we say “boys need this” and “girls need this” it doesn’t mean one is excluded from the experiences of the other. It means they get something different out of the experience. For example, my son was drawn to epics and stories where the main character exhibited courage and overcame around this age. He dove into the world wars, biographies of historical figures, the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and it was the character of the participants that spoke most loudly to him. Not their actual deeds. My daughter at this age (she is in the midst of it now) really is drawn to the mystical and cosmic beings where adventure is high and deeds almost unbelievable. For those of us here on earth, she loves biographies of all sorts, that tell of what a person went through, as Steiner says, their actual experience. She is a fan of Formula One and can tell you the back story of every single racer and what it took to get to where they are now as well as possible plans for the future. It doesn’t mean that one child isn’t involved in the interests of the other, but that they will be inherently drawn to different aspects within the experience. It also doesn’t mean my son is uninterested in experiences of others, or my daughter in the character of others. They simply find different nuggets of wisdom within a whole pictures. If I were to start focusing on only presenting character to my son, or only deeds to my daughter, they would see though the inauthentic push to “cater” to what I believed was what they needed instead of presenting the WHOLE picture for them to experience.
When we are open to seeing the humans in front of us, a view unmarred by our own feelings, experiences, judgements or expectations, it allows us to truly meet needs. It allows us to have conversations of the heart that reveal what is within the other. Yes, we can use Steiner’s indications to guide these interactions, but they are not meant to pigeon-hole the artistic process of living with and seeing the other. They are meant as a guide to a deeper knowing.
Think back in your own experiences as a 14/15 year old. Can you relate to the pull of deeds vs character? Can you remember a time within your friend circle where everyone was interested in similar things? What do you think the pull was in those joint interests?
(This post is part of a weekly serial started on Michaelmas 2023. To see the other entries, please see the post linked HERE and scroll down to the bottom for individual links)
Until next time,
Marina
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