Teens have a bad reputation, but I think much of that is born from adults who just don’t want to take the time to connect, be challenged or simply remember what it was like to be a teen. Here are some tips I’ve found help discover the wonder of these years:
Listen more than you speak. They don’t always want our advice or guidance, sometimes they just need a sounding board. And when we always jump in with solutions or our opinion, they can start to shut down because what they really wanted was to be heard so they can figure it out on their own.
Give them responsibility. It shows you believe in their ability and it gives them the space to believe in themselves. Without opportunity, how can they begin to build skills? And as a gentle reminder, responsibility with a clear purpose is important, and what is equally important is that we don’t dictate exactly how to do it step by step, unless asked. Tasks can be completed in so many different ways. Let’s leave some room for our children to do things themselves and find their own way!
Hang out with them. They still want to spend time with you! Our time is still the most precious gift we can give our teens.
Value their interests, even if they aren’t your interests. This is a big one! Your interest in your children will make the biggest impact on your relationship. Interest opens up the door to conversation and conversation opens the door to trust. They don’t have to be our interests to hold value. And when we devalue an interest it automatically shuts the door on connection.
If you are looking for a few good reads on the teenage years I recommend Betty Staley’s book Beyond Form and Freedom, as well as the big picture look at development by Bernard Lievegoed titled Phases of Childhood.
Until next time,
Marina
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